An Open Letter To Brice's New Teacher

Dear Brice's Teacher,
Tuesday afternoon, at registration, we learned that you would be the lucky recipient of Brice this school year. Brice is incredibly excited to be in your classroom in just a few short weeks. He has his back pack ready to go (minus of course, the necessary school supplies I haven't shopped for yet..but I will...I promise) and he is excitedly making preparations to go shopping for his first-day-of-school outfit.
He is all systems go.

I feel I should offer you some sort of explanation for what you are about to encounter this year. But there really isn't any explanation...at least none that I can come up with. Brice defies explanation. Defies logic. Defies pretty much everything. Maybe I should offer you condolences instead. Or maybe I should suggest that you seriously look into the possibility that the randomized computer system that assigns kids to teachers may have been rigged by all the other first grade teachers who knew better than to take the chance of Brice being randomized to them.

Brice is what I call a spirited child. As I'm sure you can read between the lines, this basically means that he's a bit of a pain in the ass. Not because he does anything particularly bad...quite the contrary, he likes to please. And he's a good boy. It's more so because he lacks certain qualities. You know, basic qualities that most of us depend on to keep ourselves out of prisons, jails, and in general good standing with those in authority. Qualities such as self-control, introspectiveness, ability to yield to temptation or impulse, and even the ability to use an inside voice. Brice does not posses an inside voice. He was born programmed at one volume, and one volume only. Super loud. You can ask him to be quiet, and he will try. He'll try really hard. And he'll succeed. For about two minutes. Then the process repeats.

It has occurred to me that Brice successfully made it through Mrs. W's kindergarten class last year with no problems. Mrs. W claims that Brice was very cooperative and very good in her class room. I'm toying with the theory that either Mrs. W possesses some sort of unearthly powers than can inexplicably tame a force like Brice or else she's just being really, really polite and in reality she did a major happy dance on the last day of school when Brice exited the classroom and boarded the bus home. I'm hoping that for all our sakes, you also possess some magical powers. You know, besides the power of missed recess, the power of suspension and the power of isolated lunch.

I would also suggest that you come to work equipped with some sort of headache reliever...and I wouldn't blame you one bit if it came in the form of a tall bottle or can.

It might seem a bit mean of me, as Brice's mom to write a letter like this. After all, he is my son. And I love him beyond measure. But I'm a realist, and I have never liked it when parents pretend their kids are angels when they know darn well that their child is....spirited. I'm not writing this to scare, offend or fill you with dread, Ms. E. I speak the truth. If you need further proof or just want to get a feel for the fun that's in store for you...you can read the following links.

http://www.stalkedbythestork.com/2011/01/conversations-with-brice.html

http://www.stalkedbythestork.com/2011/01/missing-patches.html

http://www.stalkedbythestork.com/2010/11/christmas-shopping-with-kids.html

Good luck Ms. E. I will be thinking of you daily, and no doubt hearing from you probably just as frequently. I'm quite sure we'll get to know each other well this year.

Sincerely,
Brice's mom.