Two years Ago right now...Part I

As the twins are rapidly approaching two years old (as in elevan days from now) I can't help but sort of miss those long, uncomfortable days and nights of waiting for them. I think the thing I miss the most (besides the quiet simplicity of life when we thought our hands were full because of Brice) was the unknown excitement of when they would actually arrive...I remember thinking every single day...it could be today, or it could be a month from now. That's sort of the nature of twin pregnancies...most go early, sometimes too early, but some don't. Some go full term. Which side of the fence your twin pregnancy will fall on is often something to ponder. I also remember the conflicting emotions of wanting them out of my body (those of you who have twins know what I mean...its nothing like a singleton pregnancy) so that I could breathe, move, bend, and experience just a moment without a backache. Yet, I was scared of the risks that a preterm birth brings and wanted to keep them in so that they would be healthy. Wavering back and forth with these emotions took quite a toll on me emotionally....my every thought revolving around the basic question "what is the earliest possible point that I can have them born, but have them born safely and healthy?" Was it 35 weeks as Barbara Luke suggests? Or was it closer to 37-38 weeks as my own OB suggested? At that moment, the thought of carrying these twins to 38 weeks seemed to be cruel and unusual punishment!
At 33 weeks I noticed that the contractions that had been bugging me to death for the past ten weeks suddenly reached a point where they were not stopping. Generally, I'd have them, and many of them when I was up and about on my feet. If I laid down and rested they would basically subside, only to return as soon as I resumed my activity. I remember complaining to the nurse at the OB office "I have an 18 month old! I cannot lay down each time I have more than 5 contractions per hour! I'd constantly be lying down!" They would tell me to come in to Labor and Delivery and I would go. They'd hook me up to the monitors and of course since I was then lying down and resting, no contractions. They'd happily send me on my way only to have another 6 contractions on the way home (as soon as I was sitting up!) I got tired of this game the babies liked to play and finally just chalked it up to this being the way it was.
On this day though, the contractions kept comming no matter what I did. I went into Labor and Delivery and got on the monitors and the contractions kept comming despite the shots they gave me to stop them. They weren't changing my cervix though and I knew they were Braxton Hicks as they felt very tight and squeezing but didn't have that menstral crampiness that always signifies real labor (for me at least).
So eventually, after a long day at the hospital they let me go home on strict bedrest and with a prescrition for Procardia to stop the contractions. I must admit that at the onset, I was a bit releived to get the bedrest orders. Only because I was truly worn out by Brice who was very active at his little 17 months. Many times during the day he'd climb the furniture, pull things apart, dismantle the tupperware cupboard...all things I'd have to handle. It added up to lots of bending, lifting, pulling and other things that were tough on me physically since they almost always set off contractions. Even carrying him up and down the steps, lifing him out of his crib and getting him in and out of his carseat was becomming tough. So the bedrest was at first, a bit of a relief. I felt guilty at the same time though because it meant Albert had to take on the stress of working and doing things at home, plus coordinating who would watch Brice and Jackson during the day while the older three were in school. I was totally off duty. I could only get up to use the bathroom and shower and come down the steps once per day while Al was at work to get something to eat.
However, as the days went on (and mind you, I was only on bedrest for a total of two weeks...nothing compared to many twin moms!) I began to rethink my view of bedrest. Though I was still glad for the break from the physical demands of parenting five kids while pregnant with twins...bedrest had its definate drawbacks....cheifly....it was dredfully boring!!! The internet and our twins group online provided some releif but seriously, even that got old after a while espicially when there were no new posts after checking for the 12th time in ten minutes. Shopping online was fun but because of the procardia, my eyes got very tired of looking at a computer screen. TV irritated me becuase of the incessant reruns. Sleep was awesome but the procardia often made it difficult to sleep. And bedrest didn't ease the discomfort of two babies in my tummy. My backache was impossible to releive even my changing positions and different body parts actually got sore from lying on them so long. I felt gross, lazy and generally unattractive. My husband was as supportive as possible but often frusterated from the stress the situation was putting on him. Sometimes we would bicker back and forth in bed at night which was NOT how either of us likes to end and evening. I'm sure to him it appeared that I had it really good and I always felt I couldn't make him understand how miserable I was. I guess when the alarm went off at 5:30 and he had such a full, stressfull and busy day in front of him as he climbed out of bed...my day of bedrest must have looked pretty easy. So we were both sometimes harsher with each other than we normally are. Plus, I must admit, I was pretty emotionally insane by the end of that pregnancy!
So, two years ago on this evening, I was lying in bed...waiting for my twins...imagining when would they come...tomorrow? In a week? In a month? If it was a month, would I make it without either bursting open or going crazy? Would I have to have a C section? Would Baby A flip to a head down position and cooperate with me? I pondered all these things as I lay there in bed...all day long...