The Day Is Only Half Over! Help!

OMG you guys....this day cannot possily...let me stop there before it does get worse. I am literally counting the seconds until Albert gets home and releives me of this he**. To put it mildly, cat dissections are looking like a treat today.
Not even sure where to start. I have totally given up trying to study a bit today before the test. Thank God I woke up early this morning and snuck in an hour before anyone else was awake and while the house was quiet!
My older kids have been fighting NON STOP today. Drew and Emanuel needed to get the grass cut. It's a simple enough process. One kids cuts the front. One kid cuts the back. As the front is a bit smaller, that same kid will also be the weed whacker. Not hard. Straightforward enough. Not for my kids. Mine boys stand outside in the front yard for 30 minutes arguing and fussing about which kid will cut which section of yard. They come in repeatedly and ask to call their Dad (who is teaching a class) about who should cut the front/weedeat vs. who should cut the back.
I ask them over and over to resolve the issue before finally resorting to simply handing out assignments. I hadn't wanted to do it like that because it doesn't teach them anything about conflict resolution but alas my head was going to spin if I had to hear about the darn yard anymore....
Then there was Brice. In the span of a couple short hours Brice had managed to push Isaiah into the coffee table where Isaiah sustained injury to his chin...knocked over Alexandria and tried very hard to make our dog (Raja) eat his toes. He did this by jamming his feet up to the dogs lips while chanting "Eat my foot Doggie! Eat my foot!" Raja was unimpressed and thankfully did not rise to the bate (though I tell you, if I were Raja...)
Only moments later Alexandria decided to hit Sydney in the head with the wooden spoon (which had been left out as a visual aide to help Brice remember to behave...clearly not a very effective tool).
Just about then there was a crash upstairs. Brandon bolted up the steps to investigate and came down seconds later excitedly and giddily proclaiming "Brice knocked over his dresser! Brice pulled over the dresser!" Brice followed close behind crying about the possible damage to his precious dresser.
Just as I thought to myself "this day really sucks" I heard the call from the laudndry room -"Brice is climbing in the washing machine!" Emanuel had started a load of baby clothes for me and Brice, mesmorized by the filling of the machine had tried to climb in.
Drew returned from cutting his half of the grass at about that moment and brought with him a frog from the yard which he then gave to Brandon and Brandon brought to me. I shreiked "Get it out!" plus alot of other words that wouldnt be appropriate for family blogging.
No kids have successfully completed chores. Kids are continuing to fight. And as I type Jackson has just screamed out "Seizure!" Our dog has been having seizures and apparently looked as though she was going to have another...No we have not taken her to the vet. Her seizures are totally irritating yet strangely amusing (they don't seem to be hurting her). Every morning when I come down the stairs and see her I say "What's shakin' Raja?" Albert says that I'm being mean!
Albert just called and as I was reading out this blog entry...the phone died. Yes, I'd been reading to myself for a couple of minutes.
Only 2 more hours until cat dissection bliss! So sad...