BOY OR GIRL???

It seems that everywhere we go, we get the same question about the new pregnancy. "Do you want a boy or a girl?" The shortest, most simple answer is that we don't care. We have enough of both that it doesn't matter. But the honest answer is, that it depends on the day, at least for me.

I think Albert pretty much has wanted a boy from the beginning. He reasons that girls are more difficult. Women are high- maintence and you have to work hard to keep them happy. He says his hands are full enough keeping me, Alexandria and Sydney satisfied. Boys are easier. But he would be equally in love with a girl. He felt the same way when I was pregnant with Sydney and now he absolutely adores her.

For me, it's a bit more complicated. I have an amazing bond with my daughters and I would love to have another one. The relationship I have with my daughters is difficult to put into words though so too, is my bond with my sons. I feel a protectiveness and a responsibility for bringing up my girls to be strong, emotionally healthy women. I feel that my daughters and I operate as a unit and I wonder if my mother felt or feels that way with the three of us. It's a strange feeling. As if there is no seperation between my daughters and I. And that's going to be tough because obviously there IS indeed a seperation, as my daughters are their own individuals and will someday feel the need to asert that. But it makes me a little more understanding of what I had previously viewed as my mom's habit of being "controlling" Now, being a mom of girls I realize, she isn't trying to be controlling, she probably feels she is operating well within her boundaries and in fact perhaps doesn't realize that there should be any boundaries when it comes to daughters. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will...err...already am the same exact way. Oddly, I have no trouble understanding and accepting my son's independence and lack of need to rely on me.

Plus, another girl would re-create the situation I have now as an adult- my mom and two sisters are my best friends. Yes, I actually have THREE sisters and I love them all in my heart equally but my littlest sister, JoAnna is so much younger than the rest of us that the relationship is different-not less meaningful- but different and resembles more of a auntie/neice relationship than a sister. My adult sisters and I together with my mom make up a group of four best friends. Five when you count Sara and yes, Sara counts even though she isn't technically related to us.
Additionally, baby girls are just so much more fun to name, dress, and take pictures of. There is a certain special-ness of a daughter that just isn't there with a boy.

But...there is a certain bond with a son that also just isn't there with a daughter. Each time I look at our little boy clothes, packed away since Isaiah wore them, I long for another boy. When I watch Brice playing with his little dinosaurs, matchbox cars and action figures, I want to drink in that boy-ness and it makes me hope the new baby will be a boy. And most of all, when my sons open my car door for me, pull out my chair and espicially when they come tuck me in at night (yes, we have somewhat of a "reverse tuck-in proceedure" b/c I go to bed earlier than my older children!) I KNOW that I would love another son. To my sons, I am a Queen. The Queen bee. My son's think I'm perfect despite the many glarring imperfections that are readily observible. My sons are protective. My sons share a quiet, reflective dependence on me, and I on them. I know that one day my importance in their lives will be to a great extent, replaced by a new, even deeper dependence on their wives. I am okay with this. I understand that it is the way life works. Yet I know, that they will always hold me up as THE STANDARD. The standard by which all other women will inevitably fall short, even though they really won't. That is what all boys/men do when it comes to their mother. Even those with crappy mothers. To my sons my word will always be gold. To my daughters it may just be unwelcome babble! And to me, my sons are perfect. Deserving of the best wives, the best life, the most happiness in the world. I suppose every mother feels this way. It makes me a little more understanding of my mother-in-law and the way that she used to excuse or dismiss any negative action of her son. At the time, I would feel great frusteration as in "why am I expected to act a certain way towards your son, but you totally exuse the way he acts towards me??" But now as a mom of sons, I understand. In my mother-in-laws eyes, Albert was perfect. I'm sure I will be....err....already am the exact same way.

So in reality, whether or not I want a boy or a girl totally depends on my sentiments of the day! Somedays it is one, and some days it is the other. This actually works out perfectly, as it leaves me totally open to be excited for whichever God blesses us with. I am very excited for that moment when I will see if God has created a he or a she for us!