"Isn't it about time?"

Brandon comes into the nursery and finds me rocking Sydney to sleep. He stands there for a long moment, almost like he's uncomfortable or needs to say something but isn't sure where to start. After a few seconds, he reaches out and touches Sydney's hand and remarks,
"Isn't it time for you to have another baby Mom? You know, cause you have to get my match. You're still gonna do it, right?"
"Yes, Brandon" I tell him. "I know its almost time. And yes, we'll get your match." Then I tell him how well he's doing and how I'm quite positive he doesn't even really need a match anymore because he's doing so great. I tell him that next year at this time when he weans off of his medicine he won't relapse and thus he'll never need the theoretical transplant that has loomed in the back of all of our minds for almost three years now. But he's not dumb...and at 8 years old, he's able to figure out things a little quicker than he could at 5. After watching so many pregnancies, he knows full well that the year it will take him to wean from the medicine will be just enough time for another shot at making that elusive match. And thus, I suppose he's wondering why we're not jumping back in the saddle (no pun intended...don't even laugh Debi!)
I start to wonder if he realizes the toll these pregnancies with only a few months in between take on my body...or the financial stress a family this large brings to his Dad. But those thoughts only last a moment. I think about how important his match is to me...and I wonder, what must it feel like to him??? I know how I feel waiting to hear if each baby is a match...and the heaviness and fear and desperation I feel when we learn that each one is not, but...how must that feel to him? I then realize that indeed, I hope he never thinks about the toll on my body or the stress on his Dad because all of that must be nothing compared to the stress on him. He just needs to know that he's okay. And after this is all said and done one day...when we finally do have that match, I can't wait to tell him how amazing it is that in the process of such a difficult and heartwrenching journey, we were lucky enough to be blessed over and over again. That the very thing that brought us the lowest lows of our lives is the same thing that is responsibe for the greatest joys we could imagine. And that God has been so faithful to us and that the evidence of that is right inside our home each night when we lock our doors. We pray and plead with God each and every time to give us a match...and yet at the same time...if one of our boys had matched...we wouldn't have had our twins. If one of the twins had matched, we wouldn't have had Sydney. And now we have these amazing children and Brandon is still well. So, perhaps God knows what he's doing. Maybe its us that needs more faith in him and we should trust in the knowledge that God will deliver our match to us when he is ready and that it will come when it comes. Of course, I'd prefer that to be on the sooner side (as in the next child rather than 4 or 5 children from now) One thing is for sure, I am definatley acutely aware now of how much control I don't have! So, we will wait on Him.
Going downstairs now for a peice of Red Velvet cake. Tomorrow we are starting a healthier lifestyle...meaning nutritious food and excercize...so its my last chance for cake!
This is why neither of us can loose any weight...we keep eating each day like its our last meal! So unhealthy...